Your Mother Breaks a New Record for "Most Space Taken Up by a Human Being"

Written by Evan B. 08/20/2022

Image from Flickr

Yo momma so fat, she broke numerous Guinness World Records regarding body size, mass, and general weight. Truly an incredible show of the limit of human ability! But such an accomplishment would attract the attention of scholars wanting to ask questions like why? How? And is she single?

As well as being a massive biological feat, psychologists were astonished at how one could, or would choose to, amass such body weight. It turns out, she misunderstood her recommended diet and believed the average adult should consume 20,000 calories a day. This happens to be somewhat different from the suggested 2,000 calories a day for adults. This is among many other smaller things your mother does which makes researchers question her intelligence. Some would even go as far as saying yo momma stupid.

Among these many instances was one where your mother brought a spoon to a sporting event believing it was a tangible object you could eat (credit to Flickr)

Research with your mother encountered much difficulty, as a result of one main cause. When performing studies, researchers had trouble looking at the subject for long periods of time. This resulted in the research taking much longer than initially thought, as workers needed breaks from looking at the subject before continuing surveys. This is the result of yo momma being so ugly.

Thankfully there was much time to perform research. For hundreds of years scientists were able to study your mother. In fact, these researchers are now considered paleontologists, due to your mother's incredibly long-lived age. Although the precise date of her birth is under heavy debate, most experts would agree that yo momma old.

Paleontologists investigating yo momma (image from US News)

But should we judge a woman for her appearance, age, weight or intelligence? I may be a horrible misogynist by trade, but even I can see the fault there. We should celebrate the good things of all people who grace our lives. Yo momma may be fat, yo momma may be ugly, yo momma may be old, and yo momma may even be stupid, but we are thankful for what yo momma brought to this world. You, the reader, who gives us profit incentive.