Written by Evan B. 09/13/2022
Image credit to Wikimedia Commons and Rawpixel
So, you've died, and made it into Heaven. We don't know how you did it. Apparently, they've got low standards up there, but whatever. What? I am not jealous! I just won't be going there when I die, that's for sure. It's too tacky also the 12 bodies in my backyard.
But anyway, you must have a few questions! You look upon the hundreds of shelves of VHS tapes and Blu-ray DVDs found at the Block Busters that made it into heaven and realize that there is something strange about all these movies. Perhaps your first clue was the rom-com genre found in every movie, or the fact that there after the first 60 movies they repeat indefinitely. But now you know, all the movies star Adam Sandler.
So now, you may be somewhat confused. "What the hell?" you ask yourself (ironic choice of wording might I say). Such a strange phenomenon to be seeing in heaven of all places, why is it that, if we are heaven, the only movies available are Adam Sandler ones? Good question! You see, uh, hmm, wait...
Wait, if this is heaven, then why is my only streaming service Apple TV?
Wait, if this is heaven, then why is it that every time I drink a soda it spills everywhere despite being flat?
Wait, if this is heaven, then why do I see the disfigured bodies of everyone I used to love?
Wait, if this is heaven, then why do I always need to use the restroom right after I get under the blankets at night?
WAIT A MINUTE!
THIS IS NOT HEAVEN. BY GOD, THIS IS HELL!
That explains Satan following me everywhere. Ah well, when in Rome!
Additional image credit to Openclipart
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