Written by Evan B. 2022/05/05
When people talk about Jesus, a white man living on the west coast comes to everyone’s mind. However, new evidence has been found that shows Jesus might actually have been a dinosaur.
One large piece of evidence can be found in the bible under Matthew 1:18-25, “Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with the child of the Holy Ghost.” What is important here is the fact that they don’t specifically say Jesus was NOT a dinosaur, meaning he could have been one.
The type of dinosaur Jesus would have been is still heavily argued among researchers, but they all agree it is undoubtedly a brachiosaurus.
(A brachiosaurus’ long legs are actually a myth people use to explain how they walk around in lakes. In reality they have short stubby legs, and are able to walk on water, much like my home-slice Jesus)
(An expert's recreation)
Audio has been found from 33 A.D. that further proves Jesus was a dinosaur, although it has become heavily distorted due to time.
(audio in question)
This audio has since been restored by experts, allowing a few words to be made out to an astute listener.
(restored audio)
The audio is interpreted to be as follows: “Ayo, my name’s Jesus and I’m a dinosaur (kickflips).”
Truly, modern day research is a miracle in its own right. And as for the broader impact this has on religion, it actually doesn’t change very much.
Up next, devastating research indicates Jesus might be French.
Partial audio credit: Skateboard Kick to Hand 1 - YouTube
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