Written by Evan B. 06/20/2022
"It really is the only way to go." (Credit to PublicDomainPictures)
Life as a college student is tough, you have to deal with attending classes, studying, a part time job for some, relationships (probably not actually, since you don't talk to anyone), and the existential dread that everyone you know, and love will die. On top of all of this, college goers must deal with their rapidly growing student debt!
One student found a solution to their student debt, however: psychokinesis! One night while studying, Manuel, a student at the university of Arizona, realized that he had the power of mind over body. Absorbing the energy of the universe (and about 2 kilograms of LSD), the brilliant student willed away all of his student debt!
Mind over matter (image from flickr)
"It was absolutely insane", said Manuel in an interview. "I focused all my energy and cried into my stained pillow for 18 hours, then when I checked my student account, all of the debt had vanished!"
Some of the benefits of no student debt involve, less anxiety, being able to live your life, happiness, having hopes and dreams, and a drastic decrease in su*cide past the age of 30.
Another popular way to help with student debt (Credit to the UWPD)
Here are some steps you can take to follow in Manuel's footsteps: Have a healthy diet to keep your mind fresh and alert. Do lots of exercise to keep your mind fit. And for peak mental and psychic ability, scream into the abyss, but be careful, for it always screams back.
For all of those currently in debt, may this be a reminder that you have the strength to persevere. You may need to pertain in some illegal activity, but I mean, in a world where the government is against the people, isn't that your moral duty?
Whatever you do, always remember, DON'T TAKE OUT STUDENT LOANS. NO, YOUR LIBERAL ART DEGREE WON'T MAKE ENOUGH MONEY TO, "PAY IT OFF IN 5 YEARS, 6, TOPS!"
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