Written by Evan B. 06/01/2022
Image from flickr
We all know that one guy who says things like, “man, I literally could not get out of bed today”, even though literally is not the proper term here. Like, it's pretty simple, literally would mean you actually, physically could not remove yourself from the bed, not that you were tired. That's figurative, not literally, it's that easy, JUST LEARN YOUR DAMN LANGUAGE MAN LIKE, WHY.
Well, that can certainly be very annoying! On a completely unrelated note, this same man was jumped by 25 employees while in front of his local Walmart while buying some cookies from those deadbeat girl scouts
Not to infringe on privacy, but the worker’s names in question were Matthew, Jessica, Marlene, Jason, Jacob, Natalie, Mark, Angel, Tiffany, Katy, Nathan, Frederick, Richard, Erick, John, James, David, Julian, Candice, Andrew, Lucy, Aaron, Jebediah, William, and Henry. None of these names are actually correct though.
A group of completely unrelated employees, for legal reasons I have to specify this (credit to flickr)
If it weren’t for the heroic actions of a lone shopping cart at the scene, the man would have been torn to shreds by the severely underpaid workers.
You will be missed...
We had an interview with the manager, he said that "[they] initially meant to jump another guy who had been stealing pears from the fruit aisle." He referred to this thief as "the notorious pear-nabber", which leads us to believe that the manager has gone insane.
Half of the employees were fired for workplace misconduct, as what can happen when you choose to body slam someone 5 feet outside a Walmart. And as for the other half of the employees they were fired as well for the same reasons.
May that be a lesson to all you folks at home. Know the difference between literal and figurative, otherwise I may literally come to your home at night and figuratively beat the living crap out of you.
Extra credit to Wikimedia Commons
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