Written by Evan B. 08/01/2022
Image from pxhere
FINALS WEEK IS OVER, LET'S GOOOO!
Dear We Need Sleep faculty and staff,
I am leaving this article to you as a letter of my retirement. I have left the company to pursue my talents and become and interpretive ribbon dancer. Although my mother and father don't support it, my 2nd cousin of 3 years of age does, and that is all the reason I needed.
It's not that I didn't enjoy working here; times were enjoyable when I wrote for the podcast. For me specifically, I made sure everyone else was as miserable as possible.
You can mail my last check to me at my new address: 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. I believe you still owe me 60 cents for that time I took all of you to pick apples at the orchard. On second thought they were really good apples, make it 62 cents
It will be apple season again, one day (image credit to StockSnap.io)
I will miss all of you.
Jon, I'll miss your gentle smile.
Emi, I'll miss your gentle Smile.
F*** you Alejandro.
And Brayan, I'll miss your gentle smile.
One day I will finally find people who respect me, and I will be able to achieve everything I want to, and I will finally be happy. It will be like elementary school again.
So, to all of you, goodbye. This is my final farewell. I am absolutely certain that things will go exactly as I'd expect, nothing could possibly go wrong!
BTW this is a joke, please don't kick me out, I need this for my résumé.
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